A year ago, my Nana passed away. I really can’t believe it’s been a year. Looking back, losing my Nana was one of the hardest times I had ever gone through. I had just graduated high school (I feel so thankful that she was able to attend that ceremony) and then I started college just a few months after she died. It felt like I was hit with an unstoppable wave of change.

People in my life have passed away before my Nana, but I was really close with her so the grief hit differently. When I was growing up, my Nana and Grandpa would pick me up from school and take me to their house while my mom was at work. My Nana was not the kind of grandma who had cookies and a garden. She was the kind of woman who changed her jewelry everyday to coordinate with the outfit she had chosen to wear that day. My Nana was classy as f*ck.

The funny thing about grief is that it is so painful at the most random times. Sometimes I would just be going about my day and other times, my eyes would water up while I was in class because some little thing reminded me of her. The moments I think about most are the ordinary moments and the things she said that were weird and made me laugh. 

I miss her most on days I’m playing in concerts and holidays. She never missed a concert of mine. I used to make fun of her because after every concert would come up to me and say, “I could hear you playing” which was a ridiculous statement since I always played with 60 other musicians. I would love to hear her say that one more time.

Our first thanksgiving without her was felt… weird. My mom would call her every thanksgiving morning to talk about Thanksgiving table cloth that my Nana liked ironed perfectly and her silverware she was always very concerned about even though they never used it on any day other than Thanksgiving. My Nana was a meticulous woman and I miss that about her.

After she died, I thought so much about what kind of woman she was and the woman I wanted to become. My Nana immigrated to this country from Colombia in the 1950’s. Obviously, I only knew my Nana when she was old, but I never realized how truly brave she was until she died. When someone is old and hangs out watching black and white movies about Moses, you never think about how crazy their life truly was.

Losing my Nana made me realize that most people have no idea how to respond to death. We often shy away from conversations about death because they are uncomfortable, painful, and scary. I think our unwillingness to talk about death is one of the biggest reasons why grief is such an isolating emotion.

When my Nana died, there are some people I see on a regular basis that I consider to be my family/family friends that would skate around the subject of her death. I could tell that these people didn’t want to make me feel sad, but I often felt more alone because they weren’t open to having a real conversation with me.

This made me feel frustrated and angry at times. It was hard to not feel like I was making others uncomfortable with my grief when all I wanted was their love and support, not for them to tiptoe around me like I was fragile or something. That is the main reason I am writing this blog post, to encourage an open conversation about death.

If you know someone who has lost someone recently, I really urge you to reach out to them. A simple “I’m sorry for your loss. How are you doing?” would probably help someone grieving feel a lot less lonely. It’s okay if they don’t want to talk about it at that time, but I never think offering to listen to someone is a bad idea. You don’t have to have the right thing to say. The goal isn’t to make the person’s grief go away, but to allow them to mourn the loss of the person they lost in whatever way that means to them.

With social media, a lot of people post their loses online (which I think is totally okay). If you see a post like this, I think shooting that person a text or call would help them out too. People who post their pain are probably looking for someone to talk to, not to be left alone or else they wouldn’t be sharing that information in the first place.

If you are someone going through grief right now, I understand how much it hurts. I hope you can find at least one person to talk to about how you’re feeling because I think that’s when true healing can happen. If you’re not ready to talk to others, journaling is also a really great option to process your emotions as well. 

When someone dies, I don’t believe that you have to remember all the good things about someone. We don’t love people because they’re perfect, we love people on their best and worst days. We all have different types of relationships with different types of people, I don’t believe you have to only remember the perfect days because our loved ones are not perfect people.

I really hope this helps any of you who are going through a rough time and it’s okay to miss our loved ones <3