This week has been really tough on me and has also been a great lesson on saying “no” to things that don’t enrich my life in any way. In the past five years or so, I’ve frequently agreed to doing activities others ask me to do simply because I feel guilty and obligated to help out. Big surprise, I typically end up regretting it.

This past week, I applied for a job and had a pretty good interview. Then the company offered me a completely different position than what I applied for. Even though I considered taking the job for the money, I had no interest in this position especially because the company was vague and disorganized about my application process in general. In the end, the thought of doing this job made me very unhappy and that’s the only reason I really needed to turn down the position.

I also told an orchestra I was playing oboe in for the summer that I no longer wanted to be in the group. Each rehearsal and concert required me to drive between 30-60 minutes just to get there. I drove and rehearsed for so many hours with this group as a favor. I really didn’t feel like it was benefiting me in any way so I was just upfront with them about it. Unfortunately, the group was pretty rude about it and then I really knew I had made the right decision! 😀

When to Turn Down an Opportunity:

-It Doesn’t Spark Joy

You know all that Marie Kondo cleaning/organizing stuff? That can apply to your life outside your house too. If something that you’re doing makes you feel unhappy and doesn’t spark joy, say hasta la pasta and throw it out! This is the simplest tip, yet even when I don’t want to do something, I might still agree because I feel guilty. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it!

-It Doesn’t Benefit Someone You Love

Sometimes we do things we don’t want to for the people we love because we love them and that’s totally okay. I can look back at the opportunities I said no to this week and they really don’t affect the people I love in any way. If I had friends in the orchestra I played in or felt loyal to the group, I would’ve felt more obligated to stay, but I definitely wasn’t experiencing any attachment whatsoever haha.

-It Isn’t Financially Beneficial

If the opportunity is wasting money or is only paying you meh money, you probably shouldn’t take the opportunity. I did get paid to be in the orchestra I turned down, but it was a small amount because of all the gas I used driving around. Obviously, if the position doesn’t pay well, but it sparks joy or benefits someone you love, things are probably different! An exception to the “financially beneficial” rule could be an unpaid/low pay internship that might help you in the long run.

Bottom line, I don’t want to live my life for other people (especially not people who are rude as f*ck to me haha). I’ve agreed to doing things for other people simply because I feel guilty and I typically end up regretting it. Even though saying no to both of these situations was difficult for me, I knew I should say no because in the end, I just didn’t want to do those things!

I hope this helps any of you who struggle prioritizing yourself and saying no when the time is right.