At the start of this semester, I decided I was finally ready to start going to the gym. Last semester, I had kind of wanted to start going, but anxiety had truly held me back. My biggest excuse for not going was that I didn’t have time and I was too tired, but the main reason was anxiety. I was anxious about looking like a newbie at the gym and I had never really used any gym equipment before. Growing up, I did all the kid activities of swimming, dancing, gymnastics, etc. but I had never tried any gym equipment.

So at the beginning of this semester, I was at DSW looking for a new pair of boots and I ended up leaving with a pair of gym shoes instead because I was finally ready to conquer my first gym visit. I can truly say it was everything I thought it would be. Horrible! If you read my post, Adjusting to the Beginner Stage, you know that it felt like everything about my first visit went wrong. And after the 20 minutes I anxiously spent on the treadmill, I felt yucky! Where were the endorphins everyone raves about?

I probably wouldn’t have gone back to the gym if it wasn’t for the money I had spent on my new gym shoes. My second visit wasn’t much better, I locked my stuff in a locker and scrambled the code before I looked at it and had to get the help of the gym staff to recover my items. It was an easily fixed mistake, but I was feeling anxious because I had to draw attention to my mistake.

For the weeks following, I would go to the gym and hang out on the treadmill for about 20 minutes at different speeds and inclines and then I would leave. It was the only piece of equipment I knew how to use. After I got my shoes, I decided my goal would be to go to the gym twice a week. Other than one week when I was really sick and another busy week following, I have pretty much stuck to my goal since then.

I eventually branched out to the stair stepper which kicked my ass a whole lot more than the treadmill did. When I started going on the stair stepper, this was when I began enjoying the gym more.  I felt proud each time I went that I had survived and conquered the dreaded stair stepper. After a week or so of adding the stair stepper to my routine, I eventually branched out to doing exercises on the mat after visiting the treadmill and stair stepper. There’s wasn’t anything too intimidating to me about the mat because I could do whatever I wanted and the only equipment was me.

At the beginning of April, I finally tried some weight equipment. Prior to this, I had tried to get glimpses of people using the equipment so I could have some idea of how to use it (without looking creepy lol). When I actually used the machine, I was so relieved when I realized it wasn’t that hard to figure out. And since that day, I’ve been trying out all sorts of different machines around the gym following my time on the treadmill and stair stepper.

I can truly say that the weight machines have become my favorite part of my workout. It’s kind of funny because there are some machines that I really want to try, but I’m intimidated looking at them so I’ll go over and look at them and if I can’t figure it out quickly (I’m scared I’ll look like a weirdo) I just walk away hahaha.

In my time going to the gym, I don’t really think I’ve noticed a visual difference in my body and I’m totally okay with that because that’s not really why I’m going to the gym. I’m going to the gym because I want to get stronger and it really is so nice to just move in the middle of the day. As a student and musician, I live a really sedentary lifestyle. I spend most of the day sitting. Sitting doing homework, sitting in class, and sitting rehearsal. Going to the gym is a nice break from all the sitting and I’ve come to think of my gym time as adult recess. It also feels nice to just hang out with my body (my past yoga experience talking).

I have also noticed that I haven’t had any meltdowns or feelings of out of control stress on days that I’ve gone to the gym. It took awhile for me to notice this difference and it’s still pretty subtle. I feel proud each time I go to the gym because each time I go, I feel like I’m not letting anxious feelings get in the way of things I want to do. It’s not like I don’t feel some sort of anxiety at the gym (example-me walking away from equipment I can’t quickly figure out), but I’ve become more confident on the equipment I do know how to use.

I’ll have to figure out how to adjust my schedule during my summer break because I use the gym on campus which is a 25 minute drive from my house so we’ll see how I can figure out a new routine. I feel so proud of my work so far and I look forward to learning how to use more gym equipment so I can become stronger become stronger.

OOTD

Blouse: 

Nasty Gal In Case You Polka Dot Relaxed Shirt ($20)

Skirt:

Original skirt was BDG brand from Urban Outfitters, but it is no longer sold.

Skirt (similar):

BDG Austin Light Denim Mini Skirt ($60)

Shoes:

Keds Champion Spring Solids (in the color Mint) ($40)